Poetry & Shorts Gallery

I remain
Death of a Child
I am tired of hearing myself speak
Desire and Longing
Poem of the Damned
The Sweetest of Surrenders
Finding My Tears and My Child

A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle
The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle
Awareness, Anthony de Mello (coming soon)

Recognition and Realization

We want to love Life the way it was meant to be lived. And, indeed, this is Life's intention.

It is also Life's loving intention to birth us through pain and grow us through challenge-that which we tend to avoid-only so that we might live more abundantly.

And so it is, that when we recognize pain and Challenge as our benefactors-open to Life and engage it fully-that we realize how Life lives us the way we were meant to be loved.

There he rested, seated in the chair at the side of the bed, his upper body slumped over and onto it. He had gently collapsed with the sweet peace after long battles and the fatigue that come with them.

From the far corner across the room I watched both him and the soft morning light just begin it's presence through the curtains. It is as though light itself-seemingly so indifferent to whatever human suffering-is, and always has been, the unknown faithful witness and comforter. Today it announces the sweetest of surrenders.

I see my husband out in front of me, restful. I love him so. And his love for me has been immense these past months as he's cared for me in my ailing, deteriorating state.

Just two days ago I teased him, "I suppose you'll sooner or later find another lover." As much as he responded with a painful glance I wanted him to see that I know and accept how life must go on without me. I wouldn't want him to limit his life because of me. I want him free to live fully.

Physical pain, debilitating weakness, and all the accompanying emotions around loss had slowly brought me dragging, but no longer kicking, to an acceptance of all this. But Stan was still in the throws of losing me, watching me disappear from his life.

He painfully considered what I'd just said. He knew all too well that in the months that I'd quickly declined he'd experienced my absence in many ways-not the least of which was how my feminine energy had waned. Eventually, finding an island of acceptance in his sea of process, he mustered up his keen insight and responded with a dry smile of whit, "Yes, I'll be left here with all my bodily appetites while you get to ride out on the smoke of a candle, free, unencumbered, ethereal and carried by the wind."

I watched him that day as he shifted and looked directly into my eyes. He was full of pain, and full of surrender, and full of his love for me. I was seeing him through the infinite place I was quickly approaching and I saw eternal beauty reflected in his eyes. Such were the heights we realized in what could otherwise seem as pain with no bottom.

Across the room I see Stan quicken from the break in his vigil. He lifts his head to check again on what I'd become to him, a faint and fragile occupation of the bed. Taking full notice he coughs a sudden exhale, his face contorting. Then like a long awaiting desert it floods with tears. He pries open his eyes beyond their winching contraction, and through a watery blur he fully recognizes my absence from what I once was.

The pain of being utterly alone in life hits him. For several minutes he is fixated on the empty place that has been so filled with meaning and purpose. He has no fight left; he knows it's far bigger than him. And after teetering there for moments on the edge he surrenders to the painful emptiness-accepting it completely. He inhales and exhales deeply, his body welcoming the renewed rhythm of peacefulness. His shoulders relax and his face softens.

Then turning to where I've been watching him he looks across the room and sees a candle that has kept vigil along with him for days. Gazing into the flame he finds its light so steady even as the flame gently dances. In communion with it he is no longer alone.

He watches the light from the candle emanating out, blending into the soft early daylight like a stream releasing into an ocean that now fills the room. And somehow, well beyond his comprehension, in this his sweetest of surrenders, he is most assuredly comforted by a faithful witness.

To find my tears-to cry To find my sensitivity is to shed my armor.to shed my armor from fear and shame-much of it passed on from generation to generation-"family of origin"-the family of 'man'.

To find my tears and shed my armor is to find the child within-to find raw vulnerability. to be held as a child, and to hold my self as the child that I am.

In all of this there is-and has been for some time, a thawing-a thawing of a frozen parent, a father who loved his little children dearly- dearly enough, like some weed emerging from beneath the pavement, to begin to set early boundaries even against the hoards of a cult! A tenderness for children that hinted Of what was always left wanting in my own childhood -and a tender heartedness that had become lost and forgotten, frozen away so that it would no longer feel.

The numbness of flesh bound by ice the freedom from pain in the numbness-yet Life lost in the bargain.

And now the thaw-so Real as to break beyond what was before, breaking generations. To hear another's daughter's child's voice over the phone and have my heart melted further-stolen, my eyes moistened where only frost had been.

How can a man who knows not his own child within-ever love or cherish another? --

I have been in a state of dis-equilibrium-a place between trapeze bars, suspended in fright. feeling vulnerable, even fragile at times-going against all social notions of manliness.

New to honest truth of ‘what is trust?’ and the earning of trust… those places where I myself have failed, untrustworthy, and especially where I over-trusted only to find a lack of capacity, or a lack of willingness, honesty… a hidden “I don’t really like you. I’m only tolerating you.”

Life is meant to be fulfilling, both meaningful and joyful; Life is also inherently challenging, even painful.

Therefore, life requires awareness; And from awareness: understanding, capacity and skills such that we may see the beauty and remain in the joy.

When we don’t have what we need Life’s challenges turn into suffering; we become stuck. This is the purpose of counseling: to free and empower you to live life fully.

. . . the Psycho-Spiritual Journey
When exploring foreign countries I have found it common to encounter other travelers, and regardless of our diverse countries of origin, I find that what we have in common stands out—our being sojourners in a distant land. But one important factor has become apparent for me. I’ve found that it is those who have done some traveling inward, those who have dared to know themselves and dared to know something of Spirit that get the most out of visiting distant and foreign lands. It amazes me how relatively few people actually cut loose and go abroad, but even fewer venture inward. I have found that in traveling inward there are, similarly, vast distances and horizons, exotic tastes and wonders,hazards andrewards. And it is such an inner journey that frees us to truly see the world around us. Such are the rewards of venturing forth into Living Awareness.

Geographical explorers have always done their best to consult navigation charts, maps and tools, always valuing the most accurate and comprehensive they could find. Unfortunately, many documents abounded that were vague, incomplete or questionable, sometimes leading to disastrous outcomes.

There are uncharted spiritual seas and lands enough as well, so it is wise for spiritual explorers to carefully search for reliable maps.

Furthermore, forms of navigational information vary greatly. They can be the simplest signposts, markers, or compass headings; or they can be elaborate maps with recorded accounts of magnificent detail.

They can be full of metaphoric images of serpents and flying dragons or they can have the precise measurements of science behind them. Each in its way contributes a significant truth.

The realm of venturing inwards is no different. Sadly, most of us, whether stranded on the shore or pinned upon the rocks from pounding surf, have been or still are, tangled and bewildered in a morass of poor charts and navigational aids. These are not healthy and accurate psycho-spiritual tools; they arise from our fears and shame-based conditioning.

We certainly don't want to remain lost or stranded. And we gravely need awareness of expansive and rich destinations so we have something better to move toward. Finally, we need the tools to point us in the right direction and guide us along the way.

When it comes to the psycho-spiritual, there is an enormous range of "maps" and "markers." Some are as simple as symbols that represent archetypes, meant to remind us of deep truths and focus our attention on them. Some are simple descriptions found in chants, rituals and ceremonies.

Some are dramas and myths handed down through generations, often in song or story.

Some are systems reflective of the complexity of reality: whether ancient scriptures and religious treatises or more modern philosophies or theories of human health and development. Optimally we can find what's truthful in each of them and create an "integral" navigation system for our journey through the Cosmos, both outer and inner.

Many people make one of two mistakes. They either drift around through life bumbling into things - these are those whom the world's major religions say are living an illusion, asleep or blind. Sadly, they neither seek out maps and navigators nor venture into the inner realms on their own to "rediscover" the beautiful islands, coasts, planets and riches they contain.

This group includes all those who live compromised lives, settling for "getting by" in life, no matter how dull and unrewarding that may be. Often, they defensively ridicule others who have made mistakes or encountered some misfortune in their ventures.

Then there are those who seek out maps, swear by them, but get lost in them. They never get beyond living their lives through the maps and travel books. These are the armchair psycho-spiritual travelers who never leave the comfort of their favorite rituals; the dogmatically-religious (however severe or subtle) and the "theory-bound," hiding within the witty reasoning of their ego.

No, venturing into and through this life fully with your eyes wide open is not for the faint of heart. But the rewards are beyond measure.

And the "treasure maps"-the symbols, proverbs, stories, religious disciplines and theories of humanity-the best of them-are wise and helpful for our journey. We simply need a healthy relationship to them. Some contemporary "navigators" and "mapmakers" such as Anthony DeMello and Eckhart Tolle serve as examples.and their guidance can be wonderfully liberating.

To find images of beasts shrouded in fog on the charts at these nether-lands beyond the "known world" shown in ancient maps is somewhat appropriate for our inner journey. After all, this is where we may encounter the 'dark night of the soul' on our way to the heavenly places. Indeed, the "drop-off" is aptly shown as our usual reliance on our beliefs and emotional responses become wholly inadequate and must be left behind in order to reach these next realms.

All of this is perhaps best summed up by the adage of the raised hand with an extended finger. Many, unwilling to face the pains and responsibilities of life, suck on the finger finding infantile comfort. Many others, full of shame and condemnation, use the finger to gouge out their eyes-or the eyes of others. Some even pontificate on the gesture and published all their findings. Nearly all make shrines of the form and worship it. And then there are the few who see the finger for what it is, a marker that points beyond itself to the Truth. These are they who appreciate the gift that it is, willingly aligned themselves with it, and leave the marker (teaching) behind as they venture forth and make contact with Living Awareness.

Note: As a presence-centered counselor I will set an example, provide pointers and encourage you to venture beyond what is known for your own realization.